D-17: Comedy, Tragedy, Sanity, and Fantasy

It took me years to gather courage and click the publish button in this online journal of mine. After Instagram existed, I rarely post anything here, unless my courses assignment in pursuing my bachelor degree. I started recording my memory in my Instagram because it's just easier. I can record the moment immediately without the pressure to draft a long words to post in a blog post. But here I am coming back to share the summary of my life before turning 27. Well, just in case the 37-year-old Eka is looking for a motivation and coming to this page to see how her younger version living through her roller coaster life. 

So....hello? I don't think there will be someone who read this blog other than older version of me. But just in case you are not Eka in the next 1, 2, or 3 (and so on) years, there, I said hello to you. This post will be about the previous events of my life and my thoughts about it. You might find it weird (my mind works wonder you know) or illogical, but that's how all of the other posts will be. Just bear with me. 

Comedy: I graduated.

Yes, you read it right. I graduated lol. I graduated from that university that make me cry every night and day. Even better, I graduated in less than 4 years. If 18-year-old me can read this post in the past, she would never believe this fact. Graduating is not the comedy part, the comedy part is graduating with a broken leg. Few weeks before the graduation, I played in a arcade games. I tried to punch the punching bag harder while jumping, but ended up landing in wrong position, and therefore, the broken leg. Twisted ankle to be precise. 

To make it funnier, on my graduation day, I fell in front of the photo studio because I was hurry to not late to come to the ceremony. I fell with my face facing the ground, but thankfully it didn't ruin my make up. However, twisting your ankle means not having your ankle in 100% performance anymore. After the broken leg incident, my left ankle tend to be weaker and twisted easier. I've other twisted ankle for several times afterwards. Moral of the story, please keep your ankle safe and sound, ladies and gentlemen. 

Tragedy: Covid19.

On behalf all of the human being in the Earth, I would like to curse this unbelievable and deadly virus named Covid19. If anyone told 21-year-old me that there will be a deadly virus that shut down all of the operational in the world, she would definitely think that person is lunatic and delusional. But that's the tragedy of my 20s, a pandemic. After 5 years of wandering away from my parents, I flight back to home and stayed for almost 3 years. It was not easy because I am not used to live with them anymore and vice versa. However, I am glad that I came back home and got to spend more time with them during the hard moment.

But it does not mean I am grateful for the pandemic. It affects my mental health quite hard that I gain weight rapidly and I lost my willingness to live during that 3 years. I purchased things from around the world (I am not lying) and spent unreasonable amount of money just for the tax, because I was bored at home. All of those things make me poor despite the fact I didn't pay for my housing rent cost anymore. I spent all of my money for unnecessary things I saw on the internet (re: Tiktok). 

It's even getting worse during the second wave. Every morning I heard the news of people passed away in my office. Despite not knowing who they were, my heart ached for the pain their family might experience. Tons of tears dropped from my eyes at that moment. It was so stressful and definitely not an experience that I'd like to recall. 

Sanity: Tennis.

As a homebody, the regulation that required us to stay at home made me paranoid of going outside. I think that's the reason why I felt sad all the time. Not going outside made me lack of Vitamin D. Without Vitamin D, I will always feel gloomy. Hence, the sadness that I felt 24/7 during the pandemic. In 2021, I watched a Tiktok that promote tennis community for women. I was tickled pink and fascinated to join. The first practice was meh because the coach didn't really give clear instruction. But the other practices afterwards made me bought a tennis racket. 

Tennis is not only a sport for me. It's something myself don't feel pressure to be great at. After playing for almost 2 years, I don't think my progress is great. It's too slow but I don't feel pressured at all. Playing tennis was my main motivation to go out without haunted by the fear of Covid19. I was excited instead, and still am until now. Throughout tennis, I encouraged myself to try new things and get up from the bed, open my bedroom door, and go outside. I drag myself from the tragedy by playing tennis. Slowly but sure, I gain my sanity back and I started to feel excited about life. 

Fantasy: Dream for the Next Chapter.

What's next? I actually am not really sure. Yes I do have some things on my mind but let's see where life will take me. I am excited but also worry at the same time thinking about my future. But that's me, as always. I should be less worry and be more optimistic considering I will be 27 soon. During my 27 years being a human in this planet, my life was quite good. Not anything super but it's always great. So it's might be fair to assume the future will be great as well. I hope so. 

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